J June – Grand Canyon melt down hike.

My Yellowstone trip was postponed due to a late spring in Wyoming, snow in mid June, so I decided to push the Grand Canyon trip forward, first mistake. I did need to finish the final images for Attu’s Grand Canyon book so this sounded like a completely rational and logical plan. Spending the first few days on the south rim was very pleasant, cool temperatures, light winds and crystal clear blue skies. What a pleasant week to pick to visit Grand Canyon and enter the inner canyon.

Once I was finished with Attu’s photography on the rim I obtained my wilderness permit and got ready to cruise down the South Kaibab Trail to Phantom Ranch. I was carrying about 60 pounds as I was going to stay at the Bright Angel Campground for two nights. I carried extra weight as I wanted this to be a training hike for Yellowstone and the ambitious trip I would take into the backcountry of the Thorofare. Second mistake! I can attest that this trail is steep, very steep in many sections. I think I saw Wiley Coyote get whacked on this trail. A 6 mile hike is usually very easy for me. These 6 miles makes a 21 mile forced march in the Marines look like a picnic party at the beach. I can only say, take the mules! Not only is this trail steep but the trail is composed of steps, many steps with some as high as 18 inches or more and it is extremely hot, even in early summer and offers little shade. On the positive side, the South Kaibab offers unbelievable views of the inner canyon and is very much worth the hike. Actually, magnificently gorgeous! Hint one; let the mules carry your packs!

Up until Cedar ridge I did quite well and was proceeding at a good pace. The steps were bothersome but acceptable. The problem with steps is no pace can be attained. It is just one pounding action after the next, no rest as when hiking on a trail. Once on the steep and heavily stepped Skeleton section the pounding took its toll on my calves, thighs and hamstrings. I believe that this section of the trail was designed by a crazed and insane wanna –be long range hiker, probably the same knucklehead that designed the Kearsarge Pass Trail in the Sierra’s of California. Way too many high steps with not enough trail to get a pace going on. Between the constant pounding and the increasing heat I decided that a half hour break would be a great idea. At the bottom of the Skeleton there is some shade provided by a section of the sheer wall. I did welcome this shade. Why do they call it the Skeleton? Whoa, go figure that one! Easy, you feel like a skeleton at the bottom and your personal skeleton is beaten and pounded into mush and submission. Without weight this trail would be much more enjoyable and would not pound your knees and muscles as seriously. Hint two, let the mules carry you pack!

After a nice break, water and a little lunch I staggered down the rest of the trail to the river and finally to my new home for the next two days. My campsite was nice, near the creek and also running potable water. My hike down took about 8 hours, almost twice the amount of time on a normal 6 mile hike. My legs were pretty eaten up, cramping a bit but actually not as bad as they could have felt. My feet though were a different matter. I developed blisters on each foot and the constant pounding downhill bruised my toes. I ended up losing 3 toenails on each foot. These feet were not looking great for a day at the beach. I know how the Brits felt on the march through Burma on the Bridge over the river Kwai. Only difference was that I did not have a bunch of barbarians beating me when I wanted a break. My next decision was to soak in Bright Angel Creek; this was the best idea of the day. Ah, cool water in a fabulous place. A few other campers were by this time in camp and more were coming into camp. I guess I did not do to bad as I thought as I had passed some of these groups on the trail. But for now the plan was to relax in the cool waters of this wonderful creek. I talked with some of the hikers and they said about the same as I said, tough trail we just past over. I just pushed deeper into the cool water to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, rejoicing in this beautiful canyon. On a walk I did see a thermometer in the sun that read over 110 degrees late in the afternoon. That really did not register with me at the time but would later.

After many hours of resting, relaxing and even taking a small nap I decided to visit the rest of the little valley I was occupying. Phantom Ranch was just upstream a few thousand feet, along with a ranger station and small store. Small is the operative word here. I am glad that I carried most of what I needed on my back. As I walked around in sandals my feet and thighs hurt a bit but these were manageable. I visited with the mules and some horses in a corral that others, smarter than I, rode down on. Then I explored the Phantom Ranch. What a cool place. I would love to stay here for a day or two. Very rustic and quaint! I bought a candy bar and some gator aid and sauntered back to my campsite. I did notice a thermometer that was hovering near 100 degrees at 6pm. It must have been quite a bit warmer on the trail I surmised. Rhoades scholar I am not, duh!

Back at camp I broke open the squirrel proof boxes you are required to keep your food in. That’s right, no bear boxes here. It is the squirrels that seem to attack everything that is called food. Lots of squirrels and chipmunks! Squirrels in the trees, on the ground, sitting on the tables watching me! Just about everywhere, except in my squirrel proof ammo box. Now though it was to be my dinner time. Squirrel could be on the menu if these guys were a bit slower.

One of the reasons I was heavy coming down was all my food was composed of MRE’s. They are tasty with a good calorie balance but they are not light. After cooking and munching my dinner I did camp chores and cleanup. After that I walked around a bit and relaxed near the creek again. I was walking a bit more than normal to keep my muscle stretched out and supple. This would pay dividends on the hike out.

Retiring to my tent I watched the stars and listen to the divine sounds of running creek water until sleep overtook me. Also watched the squirrels playing in the trees! Lots of playing squirrels! Boy, this place would be like heaven for the Clampets and Mccoys. Lots of stew running around on those 4 short legs! Sleep happened in about 7 minutes flat it seemed. Guess I was a tad tired. After a very pleasant sleep, I awoke to the sound of the creek, songbirds and squirrels a chattering. I also saw some deer walking through camps as people were still sleeping at this late 6am hour. Lazy slobs!

Breakfast was MRE’s! Wonderful huh! After this I relaxed for a bit and then grabbed a camera to shoot some images of the local area. I worked down to the river first and took pictures of both black and silver bridges, the river, rafts, mountains and ruins. Great morning and incredibly interesting and fun! No people yet as many were either still sleeping or contemplating death by pounded legs.

After my 2 hour long exploration I returned to camp for some relaxation time and also time to visit with my beat-up feet. I could figure that the hike out on injured feet was not going to be pleasant.. Mole skin and some pain killers were going to be the order of the day plus some slower paced hiking out. Today though I was going to photograph more, explore more and relax more in this wonderfully cool creek. Plus I wanted to eat down all my food so I was carrying nothing out.

Well, I accomplished all that I wanted to do on this great relaxation day. I ate all my extra food, relaxed in the creek for many hours and explored more of the area. My feet were doing as well as could be expected and the squirrels and I had come to an accommodation. Sleep came fast again to me in the calming hands of a babbling creek.

Morning came up early as I wanted to be on the trail before 5am. It was getting hotter each day and I wanted to get to the Indian Gardens before it became oppressive with heat. I had about 10 uphill miles to hike today. Leaving in the coolness was fine. I mole skinned my blisters and padded my toes as best as I could. In boots bruised toes are a tough thing to help out. I just figured that this day would be tough so just put one foot after the next and carry on. I said my good byes to my squirrel friends to. Bitter parting it was!

The hike to Indian Garden was fine. Not to hot, it stayed below 130 and really not that steep. My toes were aching a bit but that was expected. I was slow as most of the trail was uphill but with fewer steps and more trail I could get into a pace with rest steps. That was so nice and so much easier than the steps and steepness on the South Kaibab. Approaching the Gardens I decided I should have lunch in the shade trees plus I could completely refill with water. The heat was really cranking up now. I saw a chicken explode into flames and barbeque itself next to the trail. Awesome dude! A thermometer that was located in the sun registered 130 degrees or so. I knew I was in for a tough hike the remaining 6 miles or so, but I have hiked in ovens before. Hint three, let the mules take your pack!

After over hydrating myself I started up to the south rim. The heat was brutal and the trail is steep. A great combination when the sun is sitting in your pack. At 3 mile house I took a break and resupplied with water. I was cramping in the thighs and hammies, it was just miserably hot. I will never cook a lobster again I promised myself. The heat was also affecting my feet, sopping wet and removing my mole skin. I cannot ever remember being this hot and miserable and I still had 3 more miles to the rim. Fortunately, the heat did not affect my small brain. Water kept it cool and operational. That is a must, seriously. Trudging on to the next goal, 1.5 mile house was incredible miserable. With very little shade, the steep trail, heat, weight and sore muscle all combined to make for a very slow hike. I rested as if I was at altitude, move a hundred feet and try to cool down. Move another 200 feet and try to cool down. I progressed the 1.5 miles at this pace. This was one tough hike with the heat making it very difficult. I also met Wiley Coyote and the Roadrunner on the trail. We had a nice talk I believe! Or was I hallucinating! Not sure!

When hiking in these extreme conditions sometimes it is better to find water, shade and a place to relax for a couple of hours. This is exactly what I did. At 1.5 mile house my pack went to the ground and I found a rock in the shade to be with. I drank water and relaxed for a couple hours. Best decision of the day. My feet relaxed a bit, the cramps backed off and I was able to resume hiking at a faster pace without literally beating myself into the ground. At about 5 pm I topped out and found my truck.

Literally throwing the pack off my tired sweat stained body was the best feeling of the day. Ah, some relaxing driving to the TenX forest service campground after a huge burger at Wendy’s. Talk about a treat after a long hot day on the trail. Sleep would be a wonderful place to visit tonight.

I will admit that this hike tore me up even though it was only about 16 miles. Steep trails are one thing but constant steps really do bad things for your legs and feet. Another problem is that I have short legs. The cause of this is not a deformity but a 5’7” frame. Pigmy hikers of America unite! The weight does not help either. I think the hardest part was the heat. It was oppressive. Cooling oneself was near to impossible. I can understand why there are so many heat related injuries each year. If I had just pushed hard to get out I could have injured myself. Fortunately, I am patient and willing to adjust to conditions. I guess that is why I am still alive and hiking in seriously challenging conditions. When I was editing film the 130 degree temperature sign really hit me. I have worked construction projects at 124 degrees in Borrego Springs but 130 in the sun really did impress me with how tough it was. Not a place that I would like to be again in that type of heat.

I learned a few lessons about hiking in Grand Canyon. Really do listen to the rangers about the dangers of heat. When I go down there again I will have the mules carry most of my weight and I will go down the Bright Angel trail even though it is longer. The steps really do bother my hiking style. If my weights were less the heat would not have bothered me as much. That is about all that I can say about the lessons learned. Would I go back? In a heartbeat! The breathtaking beauty is more than worth the pain and discomfort.

Man vs.Wild vs Reality in the field.

Many times each month I receive emails or see some Face book entries about the latest episode of Man vs Wild. I have watched a few episodes and equate it to Stallone’s climbing film Cliff Hanger. Wow, what a piece of tragic climbing crap that one is! It is fun to watch with other climbers, so we can heckle, drink beer and eat pizza, so it does have social worth in its ability to entertain. That is a positive! I also have to admit that the Lithgow character was a highlight in the movie. Stallone had a few good lines to, “it takes a million bucks to heat this place”, as he was burning money to heat a large ice crevasse. That was good for a laugh or two. Man vs. Wild does not even meet this low threshold for humorous entertainment. Sad! Send Snooki out there dashing through the bush, eating snakes or sailing a veggie raft to oblivion. She is cuter but probably just as arrogant and obnoxious. It’s like watching a WWE train wreck, way too much drama, with staged and scripted events one after the next. Next season do we see Bear wrestling a gator and biting its face off? I might even watch that! Way cool Bear! Can you make me some gator sandals, please! The only difference between WWE and Man vs. Wild is that this has a forests setting rather than an arena. Quite possibly if you have to bite the head off of snakes, eat beetles, climb rock faces without gear or construct a raft out of reeds and veggies you might have already lost the game. Survival, shit your dead!

An observation from a rock climbing guide with over 120 first ascents and close to 10,000 climbs in my career. The climbing sequences are purely trash. A figment of someone’s Hollywood imagination! I wish I could get all of these climbing sequences looped together so I could have a climbing party and pig-out on beer and pizza and heckle the trash we are watching on the small screen. I once had a dog that could solo 5.7 crack climbs and Nikki would have no problem hauling his 4 legs over what I have seen on Man vs. Wild. He could climb well but his belaying technique was suspect. Even for televisions abysmally low standards this aims low on the target.

I have climbed rock and ice, hiked, backpacked, kayaked and barely lived through some truly epic adventures for close to 35 years but I have seen nothing here that is impressive or even real. I have seen a couple cool stunts and wondered how many people are in the crew that shows the Bear in these treacherous and difficult situations. The simple answer is it may not be as desperate as they want you to believe. Did you believe that Lassie or Flipper were in danger? Always impressed me there was another episode the following week after Lassie was run over by a steam locomotive and survived this catastrophe. I also wonder how this crew lives in these treacherous and difficult places. Probably in the same hotel or lodges that the Bear has been accused of staying in while implying that he is living in terribly tough and primitive conditions. Hardship is when the bar runs out of Captain Morgan’s, Mai Tai mix and eye patches’ “eye matey”. Sorry to rain on anyone’s parade here but if you believe that any of this crap is based on reality please checkout my new real-estate venture on the Yukon River in Alaska. Great gravel and sand islands, with scenic views and wildlife but may not be there the following year. This is purely entertainment, not reality and if you view it as real you are doing yourself a great disservice. It is entertainment!

Much of what you see will kill you in the forest. You will not survive in the wilderness by living off the land. There is just not enough to eat unless you have a small arsenal and the will to kill everything in sight including your director and producer. Real bears spend about 18 hours a day foraging for food and they have a hard time. This guy is going to be better than Mother Nature! Give me a break! Bears also eat many things that would make a human puke and probably die, like cans, plastic, rotten meat, incredibly bitter and poisonous plants. Try that diet out Bear! I hate to be the “bearer” of this terrible news, it is mostly fake. It is the Hollywood wilderness! Most of these wilderness stunts can be accomplished on a sound stage at Universal studios. Remember, they sank the Titanic in a large swimming pool! It looked real convincing to me, how about you? Didn’t you not cringe, from the Dolby sound, as the boat broke apart? Bear, why travel around the world to exotic places other than to see some cool countryside. Remember, what you do can be done on a soundstage!

On expedition I plan meticulously for my food, fuel and every other need. If I do not I will die! This is not ‘Little House on the Prairie’ with an abundance of great things to eat just for the taking. Most of these places are not Hawaii with natural fruits hanging from trees waiting to be consumed by the lost adventurer. In my travels in the Canadian and Alaskan Arctic and sub-arctic I would not last two weeks let alone a season if I had to exist on local natural foods. Just is not enough natural food to eat. I have found, eaten and enjoyed all kinds of berries in Alaska, Canada, the Sierra’s and Yellowstone. Love to eat them but I can assure you that it would be impossible to survive on them. In the lakes of some mountain ranges I have fished, by hand, under the cutback lips of some creeks and captured fish. This is a lucky day not something to plan on for your next dinner. And water is also a problem. This is not Arrowhead Spring glacier pure water. Much of it is contaminated with all kinds of cool organisms that will rip your intestines out your butt! It all needs to be treated with a filter or boiled. If not, you may be gashing those cool veggies out your butt along with the Guardia cysts that are causing you to crap your intestines out. Sounds fun huh! Guardia, cryptosporidium and a host of other cysts, protozoa, viruses and bacteria exist in these pure, clear lakes and stream. What a load of crap that it is all safe and ripe for the taking. These are just a few of the issues I have with the accuracy of what comes out of Man vs. Wild. Looks great on film but little things like drinking water will make you run out of toilet paper in a heartbeat.. They never seem to touch the little issue of a responsibility to viewers. At least let’s be responsible if we cannot be real.

I have a suggestion for the production team. Hawaii! There is food hanging from many of the trees out there, wild bananas, avocados, guava’s, mango’s, feral chickens on Kauai. I think even I could handle this area. Plus it is surrounded by water teaming with fish and other seafood’s. Another plus is great hotels just out of camera angle and I sincerely believe that they never run out of Captain Morgan’s wonderfully tasty drink. Eye matey! There I might believe that Bear could survive, and quite well thank you!

I am sorry that I seem so negative for Man vs.Wild! Well, maybe I see it as a menace for its lack of accuracy. I also take to task the individuals that actually believe that what they are viewing is real and authentic mountain, desert or island survival skills. I repeat it is for entertainment purposes only. They should have a disclaimer and it should read. This is all fake and staged and should only be attempted by paid people on television. Reality television is faked! Next thing reality tv will tell us is that the Doobie Bros.are related,. the Thompson Twins are twins and have the same mother and the Beatles are singers and musicians and not something to munch on in a Man vs. Wild episode. Oh the inhumanity of it all!

There have been allegations of misrepresentation of what the viewer observes and some of Bears after hours activities.. Duh! He is an entertainer. If he was a real adventurer he would be doing location documentaries. On these so called deserted islands, mountain excursions and desert outings he is not alone. There are film crews, production people, audio crews, safety personnel, stunt coordinators and many others that make these productions possible. At least with the Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote we knew these were faked. Or at least some of us! Here they try to pass fake as real.

Can Bear get hurt, of course! Anytime that you partake in stunts, things can and will go wrong, sometimes horribly wrong! People get whacked driving to work each day and that is not that hazardous. Bear is well trained and actually a good mountaineer with ascents of Everest and Ama Dablam. These tell the mountaineering character of the man. He also does some wonderful work for charities. I am sure that he is a great guy and I give him the due respect for his 8000 meter climbs. I just have issues with accuracy.

Please remember, what you watch on television in a serial basis is produced viewing. It is not real in this case. It is entertainment. Do not do this crap in the woods. Stunts are stunts; they are not things to be done in the wilderness. You do not swim in swift rivers; you do not climb rock walls without ropes unless you are completely capable, and all that you see on these types of programs are canned and controlled. It is not real, just entertaining, and sometimes scenic and makes you believe superman is real. Only on tv is he!